I recognize this post is a bit of a venting session for me. So the last few days I have been sick and yucky, but who isn't these days. I have tried to keep it together and get things done. Yesterday my back totally started hurting (probably from holding Camille all day, falling asleep while breastfeeding, etc). The kind of hurting that interrupts sleep. This morning I got out of the shower and said to Jordan that my back really hurt. He starts the doctor talk. The kind of talk that tries to get the person to identify their own problem. This is how it went....
Jessica: "Wow, my back really hurts."
Jordan:"What do you think would help make it feel better?"
Jessica: Guessing he is looking for me to say what he normally says, I say, "Take a Tylenol or Ibuprofen."
Jordan: "Where does it hurt."
Jessica: I point to my lower back.
Jordan: "Well, maybe loosing some weight will make it better."
Jessica: "I'm sure it would....Are you kidding me... Did you really just say that. Okay, Jordan lets see if I can loose all my baby weight in a quick enough time to make my back feel better."
Jordan: "Well don't you think it would help."
Jessica: "Uh yep, but did you think that saying that during this conversation was the best idea."
Jordan: "Whats the problem. Why are you getting so upset."
And I will end the recounting of the dialogue right there. Lets just say the topic has been brought up many times today. Now anyone who knows me knows that I hate being this big and am quite aware of how overweight I am but that I also have lost most, if not all, of my baby weight after the other two pregnancies.
I recognize I have been very sensitive but I would like to think this conversation would not have gone much different with another female. Is it just me????
Okay, so Jordan wanted me to add that he thinks the conversation did not go exactly this way. Love you Jordan :)
Remember
12 years ago
10 comments:
OUCH!! I'm going to have to side with Jessica on this one. Them's fighten words!!
I don't think that's something any woman wants to hear after having a baby...I certainly don't. While grateful that I have lost all my Georgia baby weight, I never lost weight after Gwen, so I still have a lot of weight to lose. So it's not easy to hear something like that...I shocked someone when I told them how much I weighed before having kids. Stuff like that hurts.
I think he dug himself in a big hole that time! Don't worry you will be able to hold this over his head for YEARS!
Hmmm, hasn't he heard "if you don't have something nice to say, it's better to not say anything at all"? Or how about the basic knowledge that when a woman vents a concern she doesn't necessarily want the man to SOLVE the problem ... even if he is a doctor. He can just empathize for just a little bit.
If you're having back pain, wouldn't he do better to offer a massage. He's be a much happier husband today! ;)
Jordan Jordan Jordan... (rolling my eyes)
Jess! You my dearest friend are not fat- even with baby pounds you look great. I think Jordan just likes the shock factor of his words. Promise you don't take his craziness to heart.
Um... Nope... not just you!
Jordan, one word: Yikes!
In all fairness to the comment about men listening to a problem and not trying to solve it, that's impossible. We are wired to solve problems. Women specialize in empathy. That said, if Suzie says she has a backache acceptable solutions are: back massage, nap, or aspirin. Telling a woman to lose weight is never an acceptable solution.
Agh!!! Jessica!!! I totally hear you...enough said! Sure do miss you.
Love, Michelle
I don't think I would have been as nice as you were if my husband said that. Baby weight is a very sensitive thing.
I think he was sincere and just kinda clueless that the timing was bad.
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